Incomplete

Something has happened or should i say is not happening
I feel like something is strangely missing from my life
I am alone and rather don't like to admit it but I have always been alone
I am constantly being told I have to be happy with who I am first
I am happy with who I am. Though no one else seems to be.
I know no one reads this silly thing so it seems so very pointless to continue
a very depressing rant about abnormally long single life and the endless line of jerks
who have passed through my presences.
I wish everything made more sense or were easier then maybe I could figure out my many
problems that I seem to be having with my surrounds. Or maybe I just answered my own question...who knows anymore.

Though on a happy note I have started reading again. I forgot how much a book can actually consume me. I get lost with the pages and it feels as if I am almost sitting in the scene with the characters silently observing them... reading their minds and emotions. I love that world where I no longer feel stressed and feel like I am not alone. My latest obsession is Twilight series. It is truly amazing. I didn't think I could have any interest in a book with vampires but I was wrong. I've fallen in love with characters...edward, bella, alice, esme...all of them. I finished Twilight in 1 day...I was quite astounded by my speed. I've already started the 2nd book called New Moon. I'm trying to slow myself down due to the fact that there are only currently 3 books out total...the 4th will be released on Saturday. Will I ever find another series to keep me occupied? Can my bank account support my addiction to these thing? Doubtful but I will have to wait and see.
  • Current Music
    None

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Last night=Excellent!

Dark Knight...Chicken Alfredo Pizza...Bar Hopping with Good Friends

4 a.m. I hope I don't see you for a very long time. Parties with great friends are always a BLAST!

Float Trip is Aug. 8th-10th. Completely UNDECIDED if I want to go or not.

Love && Kisses
Ash

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It's FRIDAY! And yet I still probably won't enjoy it as much as I should. I want so much more than this waste of time but I can't seem to escape it. Oh well. On with another day.

Love && Kisses,
Ash

Betrayal

I'm pretty sure I'm still lost.
A lot of people who I thought I could trust
have betrayed me.
I wish I could go back a month ago and
everything would be back to normal.

Why did they have to make it their business?
It was never his business to know my
personal life.
I feel very hurt that I lost friends who I held
so close to my heart.

They all say that they are not mad at me.
It not about that...it's about the fact that
I can never trust them with anything ever again.
I'm afraid to get hurt.
I want my life back.

I can't even pull myself out of this endless black hole feeling.
Locking myself away or spending time with my other friends
still does not help.
I try to avoid them...I know they are all talking about me
but I don't care enough to try to be friends with people
caused me so much pain.

And apparently "I'm needy. I'm always needing to be the center of attention.
I'm depressed. I can't admit when I do things wrong. I am bitch. I am liar.
I have to much drama. I am a drama queen."
Those are just a few of the things that these so called friends seem to think I am.
Nice of them really to keep it from me and then talk shit on me...when they openly admit they do it
"because its summer and they have nothing better to do."

I deserve better. I want more. I am not that person they seem to think I am.
They do not know me. I will prove all of them wrong and I will overcome whatever life
throws at me.

Love&Kisses
~Ash
  • Current Mood
    A mix of emotions